One of the things I find aggravating about today’s society is that we seem to fall into Sex and the City syndrome. That is, no matter how smart and successful you are, none of it matters if you aren’t with someone. OK, OK, life with love is pretty darn great, but considering Carrie et. al.’s track records, perhaps we should be finding different love-life role models. And maybe Carrie isn’t to blame for clinging to lovers past, but it isn’t a Big help.
I’m not old, but I’ve already known plenty of women (and a few men) who seem to be obsessed with finding a mate. At least, talking about it, whining about it, gossiping about the others who are doing something about it — basically everything except getting off their collective asses and, you know, dating. It’s OK to have a pity party every once in a while, but don’t be surprised when people stop showing up, even if there is free beer.
The easiest defense is that it’s hard. Of course it is! If it were easy, everyone would be happily paired up — which, despite perceptions, is not true. You have to work at it. Unfortunately, the task of asking someone out appears to have tremendous fear combined with a strange obverse of apathy. It’s not that they don’t care. They care so much that they beome frozen into their current life pattern, no matter how unhappy they are. And as much as I hate Dr. Phil, his current match.com ads are right — it’s going to be pretty hard to find love if you’re playing video games or watching TV every night.
In case it isn’t obvious, I’ve never been a big fan of people who complain about their situation and do nothing about it. I’ve even had to end some friendships over it. For some reason, no one wants to listen to honesty.
But since this is a blog post, here’s my honest advice.
Be yourself — outside of your comfort zone. This isn’t contradictory. Most people who have successfully dated (or people who have seen Hitch) know that most of the time, all you need is a little nudge. Don’t wait around for the other person to make the move. If I had, I wouldn’t be married today.
And as far as honesty goes, it’s the best thing you can give yourself. It’s fine to want certain things in a relationship, as long as you own up to that.
Just don’t expect a ring on the first date.
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